I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
