Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
