cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
