How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
