I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
