Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
