watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
