I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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