I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
