you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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