I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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