some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
