i think my mom watched the whole time
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
