I saw his package. It spoke to me.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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