I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
