Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
