If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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