Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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