the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
