It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
