My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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