What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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