Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
