is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
