Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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