I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
