I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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