I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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