He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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