I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
