He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
