I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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