I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So vagazzling was a success
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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