and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
