1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
