you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
