they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
