I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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