Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
