so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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