Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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