My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
