My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
