There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My pussy is not your playground.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
