This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
