i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
