I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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