i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
