I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
So many bounce houses so little time
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
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