You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
